Man Sues Coffee Shop for Ice Mocha Mishap
August 26, 2002 - Michigan, USA
After spilling an iced coffee beverage onto his lap while driving from a local coffee shop drive-through a Michigan man is now suing the shop for $800,000 in damages and mental anguish. The man claimed it was a "traumatic experience" that has negatively altered his life in many ways. He claims that he was unaware of the frigid temperature of his Ice Mocha or he would have taken better precautions with handling the beverage. The coffee shop owner said during our interview, "Anyone who doesn't know the temperature of a drink that has the word 'ice' in its name has much more important things to worry about than a moment of discomfort due to his own negligence. He sustained no physical harm, there were no damages to his vehicle or possessions except a brown stain on his pants, which I am sure is something he is used to."

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't
want to be there when it happens.

-- Woody Allen

The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!"
Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS."
"Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient.
"You've also got Alzheimer's Disease."
Looking relieved the patient says, "Oh...Well, that's not so bad. At least I don't have AIDS."

hehehehehehe.... can't get enough of that one HAPPY... thanks for posting :)

that was really funny happy! that made my day... :D

Boy: What's statue in Filipino?

Girl: hmmm...rebulto?

Boy: No....

Girl: ? What?

Boy: 'Ikaw ba yan?'

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional. The questions are NOT that difficult.

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?

Wrong Answer.

Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.

3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend.... except one. Which animal does not attend?

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory.

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.

4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.

hahahaha. more!! more!!!

wife: honey, what am i to you, pretty or ugly?

husband: for me, you are PRETTY UGLY...

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?”

“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.”

“That’s amazing,” the woman said. “How old are you?’

“Twenty-six!” he said.

Why Parents Have Gray Hair

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!

Here to spread the spirit of joy and laughter :)
=======

Politics Explained

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."
__________

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. ~e.e. cummings
Don't waste away your day then. Pls visit our website @ http://makesyoulaugh.blogspot.com

hehe.. really funny guys!! :) your jokes relieved me from the stress i have because of school :) thanks for posting!

Other JR jokes:

JR: What's persuading in Filipino?
Girl: What?...

JR: 'Unang Kasal'

lol!!! hahaha

teacher: pedro, what's 7 + 3?

pedro(shouted): ELEVEN!

teacher: wrong! smaller...

pedro(whispered): eleven?



Hahahaha... It's funnier with pictures...

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

Joey and Katie are sitting in school.

Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.

"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Joey sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty! !" Exclaimed Katie.

"Correct." Says the teacher.

Here's a quote:

"Happiness is like peeing in your pants. Everybody can see it, but only you can feel its warmth."

Drive Through ATM Procedures
Please note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

MALE PROCEDURE

* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.
* 2 Put down your car window.
* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
* 6 Put window up.
* 7 Drive off.


FEMALE PROCEDURE
* 1 Drive up to cash machine.
* 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.
* 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down.
* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.
* 5 Turn the radio down.
* 6 Attempt to insert card into machine.
* 7 Attempt to insert card into machine.
* 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
* 9 Insert card.
* 10 Re-insert card the right side up
* 11 Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
* 12 Enter PIN.
* 13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
* 14 Enter amount of cash required.
* 15 Check make up in rear view mirror.
* 16 Retrieve cash and receipt.
* 17 Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
* 18 Place receipt in back of checkbook.
* 19 Re-check make-up again.
* 20 Drive forwards 2 feet.
* 21 Reverse back to cash machine.
* 22 Retrieve card.
* 23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
* 24 Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male drivers queuing behind.
* 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off.
* 26 Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
* 27 Release Parking Brake.

corny questions: (you'll laugh cause its corny)

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

If you take a Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?

Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

What do chickens think we taste like?

What do people in China call their good plates?

What do you call a male ladybug?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald
man?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time
it was to set it to?

Which is the other side of the street?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"

MAGIC MIRROR:
There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

Blonde Q&A:
Q: What do SMART Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

Q: Why do Blondes always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he's doing.

"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer."

Teacher: If you found a bill worth a hundred, would you keep it? Pupil: No, sir. Teacher: Good, what would you do with it? Pupil: Sir, I’ll spend it.

Fantastic quotes/jokes/anecdotes all! I really like this quote and I wanted to share it with all you you:

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

- His Holiness the Dalai Lama

CURFEW: hanggang 10pm lang dapat sa daan.. ang mahuli, babarilin..

officer: 9:45 pa lang, bakit mo siya
binaril?

Sundalo: alam ko po bahay niya.. hindi siya aabot! c:

mental patient nagbubungkal ng lupa para magtanim....

Nurse: ano ginagawa mo?

Patient: hindi mo ba nakikita? nagtatanim ako...

Nurse: wala ka naman tinatanim ah?

Patient: Seedless toh, ok?! SEEDLESS!

guys keep those jokes coming! i really like this blog. every time i feel down i just go to this site and it just makes my day a whole lot better.

i wanna subscribe to your blog so i get all these post updates! funny. ahaha

was feeling stressed from school and so when I got home from UA&P, i just visited your site. and wow. it was refreshing!! thank you. more power!

i like this portion of your blog!

im overwhelemed with the fact that people are making the efforts of sharing happiness with other people. just with each jokes you post, you bring a lot of smiles to everyone! post more guys!

Rene Descarte once said, "I think, therefore, I am.


One day, Rene Descarte went to a pub. The bar tender asked if he wanted a pint.

Descartes says, "I think not." He then disappears.

hahahahahahahahahaha!

LMAO

cool idea. posting jokes. very nice!

guys please give me a good joke. something that will make girls like me.

@anonymous

bwahaahahaaaaaaaaaaa

i needed a good laugh.
this page did it for me :)

When the wise company president learned that his employees were tanking up on no-trace vodka martinis during their lunch hours, he issued the following memo: To all employees; If you must drink during you lunch hours, please drink whiskey. It is better for our customers to know you’re drunk than to think you’re stupid.

Best Top 10 Answering Machine Messages

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling.... and I'll think about returning your call.

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

2. Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slow. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

An Englishman and a Turk argue.

Englishman: We English fight for honor! While you Turks fight for money!

Turk: Yes... We both fight for what we do not have.

WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!
> > MAN: ok,akin ang bahay!
> > WIFE: akin ang farm!
> > MAN: akin ang kotse!
> > WIFE: ah pero akin driver
> > MAN: pwes, magkakamatayan tyo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKYIN!"

SWEET BREAK UP:

Girl: break na tayo.. kailangan ko magconcentrate sa studies ko.


Boy: Siguraduhin mo lang na wala kang bagsak.. kundi tayo ulit!

This can also be used as a pick up line for someone. But be careful too.. hehe

Para sa mga tumataba, hirit ng mga may crush sa kanila:

"Alam mo tumataba ka... Bumibilog..."


"Unti-unti ka nagiging.."



"...Mundo ko." :)

THINGS WHICH YOU WANT TO HEAR YOUR PROF SAY:

1. Hayaan niyo na yun mga late. wala naman tayong gagawin ngayon.

2. Cge class, matulog nalang tayong lahat.

3. Ang hirap naman ng lesson! Sino bang may gawa nito? Wag na nating idiscuss!

4. Next meeting, we'll have a quiz. 1 item, 100 pts, essay. Essay question: what is love?

5. Sige, para lahat tayo masayang-masaya, pasado na kayong lahat!

6. Nakakatamad...

7. Sinong may gitara sa inyo? Jamming tayo!

8. Ok class, you're dismissed! Hinihintay na ako ng co-teachers ko. Inuman daw kami!